Who Should Become OUR CAR CZAR ?

By Milton Snide
The Auto Channel

Auto Central, December 8, 2008; In the insanity that is a multi-billion bailout for private companies that have failed their stockholders and their employees and the country that allowed them to build their industry after all of the other car factories in the world were bombed out, one clear thought is coming through…a Car Czar
.

One U.S. congressional leadership aide was quoted by Reuters as saying that both sides (gee and here I thought this would be a non partisan effort by the boys and girls who were sent to Washington to do our bidding silly old me) favored creation of a "car czar" role within the executive branch to oversee funds and ensure conditions were met.

Ok…now this is an idea I can get behind…if we the people put up the money we surely should have a say in how it’s spent…kinda like the rich geezer who loans a needy company the capital it needs to pull it self out of their abyss and then sends his no nothing n’eer do well son-in-law to watch what is happening with the old man’s money. Ok so the kid has no experience in the business…he just happened to marry the boss’ kid…but I digress.

Well now fellow TACH’ers this brainstorm gives me yet another cause to promote and another chance to use a picture of my favorite candidate for this or any position… Charlize Theron.

Ok all kidding aside I am going make some suggestions as to who should become the keeper of the auto industry key, the holder of the production line on off switches, the sharpener of the clay model instruments, the clicker of the test track stopwatch, the hider of the keys in new car showrooms across the U.S., the pointer outer of a trade-ins “real” (would I fib you?) wholesale price in the blue orange and black books …this car czar will become the ultimate car guy ( apologies to Steve Ford the real Car Guy).

So who should it be? One criteria must be that they have a drivers license (or maybe not); have nothing better to do; have at one time in their career driven a car; at one time in their life bought a car; actually understands that the accounting department dictates the design of a new car and that executive management gives the go ahead to make it and that some guys and gals in the factory actually build the car…what more should they know?

Here are some Car Czar candidates in no particular order: Charlize Theron Car Czar
; Jay Leno Car Czar
; David Letterman Car Czar
; Christopher Lloyd Car Czar
; Mr. Magoo Car Czar
; Olive Oyl Car Czar
; Don Rickels Car Czar
; Jimmy Carter Car Czar
; Bill Clinton Car Czar
; Henry Kissenger Car Czar
; Mr. T Car Czar
; Tanya Tucker Car Czar
; Jim Press Car Czar
; Harrison Ford Car Czar
; Plymouth Rock Car Czar
; Austin Healy Car Czar
; Edwin Black Car Czar
; J.D. Power Car Czar
; Paul Brian Car Czar
; Richard Earl Car Czar
; Click and Clack Car Czar

Please let me know who you think should become our Car Czar; send your suggestion to me; msnide@theautochannel.com.

TACH READERS RESPOND

Mr Snide,
I can't help but become agitated by the continued use of the word "Bailout" ,in reference to the economic woes of the Detroit Three. The banks and lending instiutions received a 'Bailout"- (no strings attached) from Congress. The Detroit automakers were seeking a bailout; however, have agreed to "Loan Guarantees", after the former was met with scorn. I think that the American public should be clear that a loan guarantee requires re payment within a pre-determined period of time as in the 1981 textbook Chrysler example that was repaid before the deadline, with interest! The American public have a chance to see the government support domestic industry, safeguard American jobs and eventually make a profit on the money that will go to support GM, Ford and Chrysler. I don't think we have a choice but to support this industry.

Secondly, You have asked for nominees to act as bailout (Loan Guarantee) "Czar". I nominate myself. I spent 16 1/2 years in the auto industry directly and another 27 years indirectly. I am an impartial judge without alliances to any group or organization, who acts deliberately, with common sense and can manage incoming cash with expenses. It seems very simple, when put in this context and it is, when one has a global vision and is not so specialized that one cannot see the overall (not just domestic; but, global) picture. I would love to have the opportunity to yank (pardon the pun) reins on the Detroit three to get them back into the race, that they should have been winning for the past twenty years!!!

Best Regards,
Roy Z